Liar, Liar: The Real Reasons We Bend the Truth
- Jordan Craft
- Apr 12
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Let’s be real—everybody lies. White lies, little fibs, fake smiles, full-blown bullsh*t. Whether it’s saying “I’m fine” when you’re internally crumbling, or someone gaslighting the absolute hell out of reality to dodge accountability—lying is everywhere. And while we usually think of lying as this shady, sneaky thing (which, yeah, sometimes it is), the truth is… lying is human. It’s baked into our wiring.
So, let’s break it down. Why do we lie? How does the brain justify it? And how can you tell when someone’s feeding you a fresh pile of emotional spam?
Why We Lie: It’s Not Always What You Think
First of all, not all lies are malicious. Some are self-protective. Some are social grease. Some are just pathetic attempts to avoid conflict, consequences, or awkward conversations. Here's the main breakdown of why people lie:
1. To avoid punishment
This one’s straight-up primal. It starts in childhood—“I didn’t eat the cookie” while crumbs are literally on their face. As adults, it turns into “No, I wasn’t talking sh*t” or “I swear I sent that email.”
2. To gain something
Money, praise, power, approval, sex—lying becomes a shortcut to rewards. Manipulators and narcissists are experts at this one. They lie because it works. Because people believe them. Until they don’t.
3. To protect someone’s feelings
You’re not gonna tell your friend their baby looks like a sweaty potato (even if it kinda does). You say “You look great in that outfit” because you’re trying to spare them, not destroy their ego. Still a lie. A “nice” one, but still a lie.
4. To protect themselves from vulnerability
This one’s deep. People lie to cover up insecurity, shame, trauma. It’s easier to be “fine” than to explain the dumpster fire in your chest. Lying becomes a wall to hide behind. It’s not noble, but it makes emotional sense.
5. Because it’s habitual
Some people just lie all the time. Not even for a reason. It becomes a reflex, like breathing—but sketchier. Chronic liars often don’t even realize they’re doing it. It’s a defense mechanism that got hardwired over time.
What Happens in the Brain When We Lie?
Neurologically, lying is work. The truth is automatic. A lie takes mental gymnastics: you’ve got to create a story, remember it, keep it straight, and regulate your emotions all at once. That lights up areas of the prefrontal cortex—aka the part of your brain responsible for problem-solving, impulse control, and planning.
But here’s the kicker: the more someone lies, the easier it gets. Studies show that the brain actually adapts to dishonesty. The amygdala (the little almond-shaped emotion center) reacts less and less every time you lie, especially if it works in your favor. That’s why people who lie constantly seem unfazed—they’ve desensitized their own brains to guilt and fear.
Types of Lies People Tell
Let’s break these down real quick, because not all lies wear the same mask:
White lies: The “harmless” ones. Think: “I love your cooking!” when it tastes like sadness.
Omission lies: Leaving out the truth. Not technically false, but still deceptive. Like, “I didn’t tell you I was texting my ex because you didn’t ask.”
Exaggerations: Turning a 3 into a 10 to impress or manipulate.
Denial lies: Straight-up refusing to admit something real. Often used by narcissists and toxic people.
Fabrications: Whole stories made up from scratch. Full fiction, baby.
How to Tell If Someone’s Lying to You
Let’s be clear—there’s no magical, one-size-fits-all lie detector. People lie in different ways. But there are some psychological and behavioral red flags that can give a lie away:
1. Inconsistencies
Stories change. Details don’t line up. Timelines shift. You hear “I never said that,” even though you know damn well they did.
2. Overexplaining
Lying takes effort. People who lie often overshare or add unnecessary detail to sound convincing. Watch out for that “too many words” energy.
3. Avoiding eye contact—or too much of it
Shifty eyes can be a red flag, sure, but forced, intense eye contact can be one too. Especially if they’re trying to prove they’re honest.
4. Defensiveness or deflection
You ask a simple question, and they flip out, change the subject, or act like you’re accusing them of war crimes. Guilty people often get real loud, real fast.
5. Microexpressions
These are lightning-fast facial reactions (less than a second) that can betray true feelings before the mask settles back on. Think: a flash of guilt, anger, or fear.
6. Gut feeling
Listen—your nervous system picks up on lies before your brain does. If something feels off? It probably is. Your body keeps the receipts.
Why This Matters: Lying Breaks Trust, Even If It’s “Small”
The problem with lying isn’t just the act—it’s the aftermath. Lies chip away at trust. They make people question reality, especially if the liar is someone you care about. If you’ve ever been lied to consistently, you know that disorientation: the self-doubt, the gaslighting, the “am I crazy?” spiral.
And if you’re the one lying—even to protect yourself—it’s worth asking: What am I afraid of? What truth feels unsafe? Lying usually comes from a wound. Get curious about it.
Final Thoughts (No BS)
Lying is part of human nature, but that doesn’t mean it’s harmless. Whether you’re dealing with someone who lies like it’s their job, or catching yourself twisting the truth to stay comfortable, the key is awareness. Pay attention to patterns. Call out your own bullsh*t gently. And when in doubt, remember: honesty might not always be easy, but it builds a kind of peace that lies just can't touch.
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